He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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