Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Everyone says I win the strip club
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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