I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
