I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just want to make out with him forever
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
