he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
