I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
