So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
