I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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