i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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