the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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