oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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