I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
