Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
