That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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