Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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