how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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