Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
