do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
