yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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