i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
im holly from the hills drunk
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
