My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
