He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize