I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
