Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
