Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
