If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
