And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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