Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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