D3 body, D1 cock
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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