and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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