you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
