i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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