I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
