uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
