I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
