Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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