And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
