Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
