No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
