maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Randomize
