I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize