i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We are all done wearing pants today
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
