We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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