Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
