You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
