I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
