I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
