I'm so fucking centered right now
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
