if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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