Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
They have beer where we have blood.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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