I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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