Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
