DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
