nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
