I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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