I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
