You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
