Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
