Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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