he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
