It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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