even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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