Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
