god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We had sex on a dog bed..
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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