I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
